11May

How to Explain “Fifty Shades of Grey” to a Seven Year-Old

The other day my seven year-old son glanced at my copy of one the Fifty Shades books, and looked at me and said, “Mom, why are there handcuffs on the cover of this book?”  Well, I didn’t really have an answer for that.  Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: “Well, there’s a criminal in the book.”

Son: “What did he do?”

Me: “Well, he’s not a very nice man.  He’s had a hard life.”

Son: “So, why are there hand cuffs involved? Does he go to jail?”

Me: “Not necessarily, no.  It’s mainly about a man and woman who love each other.”

Son: “That makes no sense.  Then why are there handcuffs?”

Me: “Well, good question.  Why do you have a pair of handcuffs?”

Son: “I like to pretend I’m a bad guy.”

Me: “Well, so does he.”

I didn’t really say that last line, but the conversation did go on and on.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it’s about a beautiful young girl named Anastasia Steele who gets involved with a deeply disturbed business man named Christian Grey. If he’d listened close enough, he would have heard my sister read from the book out loud to my mom with both disbelief and pleasure about some of the erotic sex scenes.

 

So, I have a confession.  After I wrote my first post about this series, I was determined not to continue reading the next two books.  But then I met a die-hard fan at a work dinner and she convinced me to keep going, and I saw the 2nd and 3rd books sitting on a shelf in an airport book store during a connection the very next day and my curiosity got the best of me.

I just finished Fifty Shades Darker and how to I feel?  Like I can’t believe I read it. Like it was a waste of time.  As my colleague mentioned, the plot is slightly more interesting than the first book.  We learn more about Christian’s past in this book and there’s less S&M (that might not be good for some people, but it was for me).  Anastasia finally takes a stand on the relationship and makes her demands known.  They seem like they’re verging on a somewhat normal relationship but not really.  There’s one of his former submissives involved and he buys the company she works at (are you sensing a control theme?). Normal?  Nope.

The book goes back and forth between schmultz and monotony.  How many times do I have to be told how crazy they are about each other?  Here is an intelligent girl being brought into a dark world where you know it can’t have a happy ending.  Worst of all, she seems opposed to the Red Room of Pain and his history of S&M, but she is intrigued and obsessed with it.  She wonders if she’s good enough but can’t stay away from his lifestyle and it’s WEIRD.

So, why am I still reading what they’re calling “Mommy Porn”?  First of all, let’s get rid of that name.  Why can’t moms read erotic fiction?

The truth?  It’s entertaining.  The books are kind of soap opera/fantasy/garbage/light reading/boy meets girl.  Like anyone else, I’m curious where the characters end up and thinking it’s going to be a “Newhart” ending and all one big dream.  But I’ll admit it’s a total waste of time and I don’t really understand it all myself.

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Comments

  1. Oh I’m reading them, too, friend!

    Why? Because it’s fun.

    And sometimes that’s OKAY and ENOUGH, you know?

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